Today has been a good day, especially because Kaden & I got to start our day by Skyping with Zach 🙂 I know that not every day is going to be good, so this post is for all of the bad days over the next several months.
Our pastor has been doing a series on prayer, which has always been a struggle for me. I’ve always been a worrier, even more so since I had Kaden and now that Zach isn’t here. So, my goal over the next few months [& the only way I’m going to survive this deployment] is to “just pray“. I know that God had this deployment planned for a reason and even though it’s hard not to question it some days, I wouldn’t change it. Just over the past few months, Zach and I have gotten closer and learned more about each other than we ever could if we had a “normal” relationship. I hate that he’s gone and it’s impossible not to be terrified something could happen to him, but that is where the praying comes in. No amount of worry, tears or anger will protect him or bring him home sooner. He’s in God’s hands and every moment has already been planned. All I can do is trust God to lead me through whatever comes our way. I know I’ll still have days that I’ll wish I could throw a fit like my 3 year old and demand to have my husband home. I’ll have days that I don’t want to do anything but feel sorry for myself and my family. But no matter how selfish I feel on some days, I know that I’m not the only one hurting, I’m not the only one missing him and I’m not the only person to have gone through this before. And more than anything, I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I know we can all make it through this deployment and we’ll be stronger because of it – and for every person waiting for Zach to get off the bus when he comes home, I’m sure we’ll all agree it was worth the pain.
So, when I don’t want to drag myself out of bed in the morning and for the nights I have to go to sleep without saying goodnight to my husband – I’m going to come back to this post and know that He holds my every moment.